Let’s face it lying has gotten easier. People lie on their resumes, lie about their age, lie about how much money they make, the list of the lies we tell is endless. But now in this new game with the internet and what I like to call megabot cells phones, I refer to cell phones as transformers because they have so many features on them now that you were able to lie and say you missed a call or the call dropped but we all know it’s no longer true. You saw my text though didn’t you. LOL!
The internet feeds an ego like nothing else on this planet if you ain’t getting the attention you need at home well, create yourself a profile and you can be that astronaut you always dreamed of being. You can be a l(ie) awyer on your profile or how about this one – you can be single even though you know you are hooked up with someone. Happily lying to your heart is content.
So in my Gazoo voice, dum dum why you keep getting caught?
I want to be fair to both sexes so I will reveal a few things to you about how these lies go for both sexes. I am the oldest of six brothers and was raised under the same roof with three of them and my Dad, so me and my mom were clearly outnumbered. This is where I got my specialized training in being able to detect even the smallest of lies.
I watched my brother’s who were player’s at the top of their games before they all settled down. I watched them lie without blinking or thinking, or feeling anything at all for the women they lied to. All the while telling them “I love you” this and “you my boo” that. I watched as they brought them home, let them eat dinner at the table with the family giving them a false sense of hope that they had their only sister’s approval and how much me and my mother liked them. They were as good as a new member about to join the family. We did like them each and every one of them. Some of you may be reading this now and I want you to know that I still like you – you my girls know what I’m saying.
It’s a long interesting story, but I will cut to the chase of the matter. I’ve heard some of the most fantastic lies that one can create and I’ve heard some downright stupid idiotic type of lies that no one in their right mind would believe. Since one of my brother’s is gay,I got to see lying on a whole other level and if you don’t know and haven’t experienced a gay man lying to another gay man, I’m telling you it’s something of an amazing thing to see. You have to know which one you are dealing with to be able to stay one step ahead. Don’t get it twisted either, I ain’t gonna tell you everything, some things you just have to figure out for yourself.
Which one is he and which one are you?
1. The Smooth Operator – This is the type of liar who does everything out in the open, he/she offers full disclosure willingly. You know you feel it in your gut but just can’t put your finger on it – favorite tag line “I don’t know what you talking about”
2. The Storyteller – well this one is a no brainer – they are just fantastic storytellers, the most amazing shit only happens to them and that’s why they didn’t show up or call back. The excuses usually sound something like – you won’t believe what happened while I was driving my cell phone flew out the car window while they were allegedly on their way to see you and then the ignition fell out of its plug causing them to be stuck on the highway for countless hours. blah, blah -lie
3. The Habitual Liar – just lies about what color underwear they have on, a stupid lie like I had tea when you know they had coffee type of lies.
4. The Doubter – this person’s job is to lie in such a way that you will doubt that you know the day you were born and actually call your mama and ask her to send you a copy of your birth certificate so you can be extra sure. You will doubt that your eyes are brown because they said they are black, you know the one, everybody has experienced someone like this.
5. The Movie Producer – this liar is the type that has all their friends and family and other boyfriends and girlfriends in a conjoined lie everybody is participating. Playing their positions in this grand plot filled with twists and scenarios. Academy award-winning type liars.
So there it is I said it and you know it’s true. You can identify with at least one of these types.
The reason why you get caught is simple. It’s all in the details. That’s why criminal’s get caught somebody is always messing up on the details. It takes an enormous amount of energy to lie. That’s why the title of this post is “Oh what a web we weave, when we practice to deceive” if you tell one lie you have to tell ten to try to cover it up and trust me someone is always paying attention to the details.
There is no discrimination amongst liars, there is no color or gender which makes one group more prevalent than the other. The truth is we all lie at some point in this life.
Here is my question. The truth can set you free but can you really handle the truth? Have we all turned a blind eye to lying? Is lying the new sexy? What lie are you telling now, I dare you to confess it?
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